.: g0odbyes really are f0rever;

Y Monday, May 29, 2006Y

6:02 PM

29.05.06- o level chinese paper ... kinda bad fer paper 1 .i wasn't concentrating at all ! i was thinkin about it all the while. head juz can't stop thinking !... argh it's over ! after sch0ol , went tuh watch m0vie with w0od , lays , k0h , chang , chien n j0ey . went jp . had a hard time persuading k0 to watch x-men 3. c0z she isn't interested . den went tuh macs n eat . didn't get t0 see ruzaini like wat michelle say . i was crazii wen lays d0 tt acti0n . i luffed like 0ne kind . bud s0meh0w he sensed it. b0o! den eat macs , j0ey came. every0ne was s0 excited n crowded around her . l0ls . den went up tuh the cinema. we were s0 high . den k0h said she wanted to shit ... her usual business . l0ls . accompani her tuh the toliet . hahax. nth came out ! she can't squeeze it 0ut u see ! o0ps ~ den watch x-men 3. kinda nice ... =] $7 is worth although head is spinning while watchin . den went 0ut of the cinema . we were damn high esp k0h wh0 wasn't interested at all ! haha. she called herself STORM . l0ls . we luffed at her like maddies . peskii . den went h0me . finallii all laughters ended . he sensed it . i br0ke d0wn once m0re . harder than b4. i juz can't stop . i felt s0oo sick ... it's all fake . i hate myself ! juz let me cry ! c0z i feel better ... i hate sch0ol ! c0z i m n0t myself anim0re . nth seemed tuh get in my head. thanks me fer screwing everything !

Y Saturday, May 27, 2006Y

4:27 PM

27.05.06- seeing m0m , i br0ke d0wn . didn't wan her t0 w0rry ... ran 0f the hse ... standin in the middle 0f the r0ad . wishin 1 cab will stop fer me ... waited fer l0ng . ppl might think i m mad ... i juz l0ve the cars' h0rns ... t0ok cab and headed to westw0od ... juz wanna g0 far away frm h0me ... met lays n chien . they were s0 high . finally i juz keep luffing ... luffing n luffing . bud there were tears . i m painful inside ... [[ details missing ]] dun wish to write ani further .
p.s - kn0cked d0wn by a car ... i like chang's reacti0n .

n0 one seemed t0 understand wat the hell i m g0ing thru'. ii may seem happii outside .. bud inside , i am br0ken int0 pieces . bits n pieces . i became a changed pers0n . l0sing eveything . bud yet i m glad they are still by me . even it may juz be a lie . i accept it . c0z i nid lies t0 kip me g0ing n0w . this pain i believe is n0t gonna heal fast . it hurtz deeply . am i g0ing to put on a mask everydae ? change myself t0tally out of this shit ! ... it will end s0on . end painfully . all !

s0rry ...

3:27 AM

27.05.06- why must ii be s0 greedy ... like wad ii sae ... i shld n0e the outcome will be like this from the start . wen u g0rt l0ve , it's hard that ur frens will be still there . it was entirely my fault . i didn't n0e h0w to treasure wad ii hab . i missed all th0se times. when we all were s0 cl0se. we were like sistas ... tt's the frenship we had... ii missed it ... can we g0 back tuh the past? ii n0e we all will still be there fer each other ... when will i learn to balance my time ? ii br0ke d0wn c0z ii am afraid of l0sing . wanna tell u guys h0w ii feel ... bud juz can't find the right time . 0r is it i m f0rgotten ? ... am ii thinkin t0o much ...? can ii tok ?

i miss him ! i miss th0se times ! i m afraid 0f l0sin all !

Y Monday, May 22, 2006Y

5:33 AM

20.05.06- t0dae m0rning w0ods cum my hse first . den i packed my stuffs n all and we set 0ff. met mun, chien , ya , fang , candy , k0h n lays at habourfr0nt . peskii . they started singing verii l0udly . ps . den we set 0ff t0 sent0sa . tuh celebrate k0h's bdae. went tuh the toilet . l0ls ~ girls in bikini ? wahaha. den we found a spot. started taking f0tos n all . crap n play. [[ details missing ]] den chang came . we threw cakies at k0h . she l0oked like m0nster sia . haha. den help her wash up n stuffs . den we headed tuh town . mun n chien went off first . first time , wear until liddat tuh orhard . b0o ! den went tuh mang0 ling0 ! finally get t0 see happy n the b0ss . miss them s0 much . haha. she was swit enuff t0 gib me special discount ~ l0ls. den went up tuh eat chicken rice . yummy ! bud me n w0ods kana thr0w to an0ther table ! hmmph ! den we went tuh walked around . t0ok ne0s n f0tos . saw c0lin n ker0 ~ den we went tuh heeren and they bought masks. on the way , me n w0ods damn high ! singin in high pitch ! luff like maddies ! c0ol ... den went h0me . tired ... =]
21.05.06- happii 100th dae ! finalli . WE hab g0ne s0 far ... yeah ! l0ls. w0ods came my hse give me 2 big b0ards . nicely d0ne up . s0oo nice ! thanks . den we ate cup n0odles . tryin t0 save $ . l0ls . den reached orhard. saw han's. can't resist temptati0ns . went in . b0ught 3 slices of cake n 1 rum ball ... yummy ! durian m0ouse ... wah wah . den saw fish n chips ! decided t0 eat . l0ls ! yummy . fat fat ! dEn walked around . we headed tuh heerens . t0ok ne0s . den went cine . t0ok ne0s again . l0ls. peskii . den headed back tuh heeren . EAT again ! eat want0n mee. l0ls . den went tuh wisma n taka . den headed tuh his hse . he gave me muy pressie ! all pigs ! m0nokur0 b0o ! cute da0 ! thanks !! den headed back h0me . after sendin me h0me , he went tuh buy s0me stuffs . we met at the t0p of the carpark . wen i reached dere , saw candles in a hart shape all lighted up . t0uched ! i m verii t0uched ! he b0ught cake as welL. with sparkles ... it was beautiful ~ seriously touched ! l0ve yaa ! l0ls. =] gave him kEle ... haha. ask me t0 take care 0f her. l0ls ... h0pe he like it ~

argh ! i deleted my inb0x ! sad da0 ! ii cried like mad ... s0bs . s0 careless 0f me ! s0bs !

``[[ IBelieveThatTheOneILastHoldIsEuu. ]]

Y Thursday, May 18, 2006Y

4:02 AM

18.05.06- itz been s0o l0ng since ii last bl0gged. i g0t back my results . my results were bad. esp my physics. can't believe it myself . 20/90 ! wat've ii been doing? dreaming in all physics less0ns. c0ol ... tt's wat i get in return. sad case. lucky mr tan is back. but i alrd kind of given up on physics. haix. den we started on our mt intentsive ytd. b0ring. d0ing all mt ws ! sianz.
11.05.06- juz sum recap. l0ls. was our 3rd month le . went out watched m0vie ... [[details missing]]
12.05.06- public holidae. went out ... met lays, ya, chien , joey , fang n ivan. finalli bought my bikini. wahaha. we ch0se fer a l0ong time l0rs. th0u i have sum regrets. c0z ii m ch0osy ! l0ls. went mang0 ling0 !!! miss it s0oo much ! finallii . been craving fer it since exams period . bud went s0 mnaii times . didn't see my pretty b0ss ! miss her s0 much as well !! l0ls . den went tuh search fer my cl0thes. the tube i've been eyein fer is s0ld out ! s0 sad !!! searchin fer smth else. haix.
13.05.06- went tuh ya's hse with w0od in the m0rning ~ time fer tradition. l0ls. miss it s0 much. went tuh her hse d0 all water b0mbs. den dester , kims , hing rong came. we started our tradition. l0ls. s0 crazii ! haha. den we were all wet ! wh000o... den went back tuh cut cake. hadi came. crapping time . l0ls. den went tuh l0t 1 to meet lays . accompani her buy some stuffs.
14.05.06- m0mmy's dae . haha. went tuh with m0mmy todae. i bought 2 bottoms n 1 shirt n 2 beach shorts. spent quite al0t ! thanks m0m . wanted to change style . bud gettin simple again ! nvm ! june i shall come back . l0ls . went tuh mang0 ling0 ! pretty b0ss is still n0t there ! l0ls. miss her s00oo much ! ar. can't get to drink my mixy . argh . den went bugis . met br0 . went tuh eat v8 cafe . yummii ~ l0ls .
16.05.06- went out with woods. serch fer my top . ii m reallii ch0osy. in the end bought a stussy tanktop . l0ls. den we went tuh take ne0s den went tuh eat bugis cafe. yummy . l0ls . den sh0p around. wanted to buy a notebook but it was 7.90 ! ex da0 . l0ls . den went h0me. been hinting to wood bout my wallet . he reallii bought one fer me ! s0 touched . thanks ya ~ ... l0ls ! =]

having fear towards them . i m wondering why it kept appearing my mind. they are alm0st everywhere. h0w can i avoid ? i hate this feeling ! i hate this fear ! i juz wan to get rid of it s0o much. the m0ment i see them , that scene reappear in my mind. it is haunting me . nth can help me n0w.

mani things have happen . s0me things are g0ing as fine. s0me things are n0t ! i've been asking myself some qns and ii realised it is all my fault. i neglected s0me ppl . tt's why. everything seemed to go apart. everything is n0 l0nger the same. wad m0re can i ask fer ...? ii wonder.

Y Friday, May 05, 2006Y

10:36 PM

05.05.06- t0dae was a fun dae... l0ls . m0rning, reached sch0ol at 6.50 am . den suddenly saw mun as well . she came s0 earlii . luckii g0t me w0rs . den we crapped ... peskii . den w0ods came . it was raining heavily s0 we went back to school . crappin in the cafeteria again . went up fer oral . we were luffin n crappin s0o much in class ... 0ral qn kinda sux . dunn0 h0w tuh ans . die ! den went tuh find mdm siti hajar . l0ls . we are reallii great crappers . crap s0 l0udly ... l0ls . den went jp with ya , mun , lays , w0od , chang and chien . went tuh k0pitiam n eat chicken rice ... l0ls ... tt's al0t . 6 pers0ns eating . l0ls . den we were mad in the k0pitiam . mixin all the f0od n chang ate tt ~ disgustin ... den played zh0ng ji mi ma ... l0ls . tt's reallii peskii ... crapped in k0pitiam fer 1 hr plus . great b0nding ! c0ol ...
den went tuh am0re n l0oked around ... lays dey all were all s0 keen about it ... l0ls ... bud kinda ex fer me ... l0ls . thou is unlimited ... ya see h0w behs ...
g0ing sent0sa le... s0oo excited . =]
[- details missing-]]

``[[ ii may n0rt sh0w it 0ut ... ii may n0rt seem t0 care . bud iin my hart , the feelin is str0ng. ]]

Y Thursday, May 04, 2006Y

3:45 AM

02.05.06- t0dae was my ss and emaths paper. ytd , i slept at 2am and woke up at 4 am . regret studying s0 late . bud i realli worked hard these 3 daes l0rs. argh . tired.
i hate my panda eyes n0w . ugly . l0ls. t0ok ss paper. lucky i studied the welfare state. bud ! my s0urce-based sux . *prayin hard* n0w . l0ls. emaths paper was difficult t0o ... omg ... den went h0me ... study again ~ argh . tmr is a maths paper n lit l0rs . ii juz can't get my amaths right . cried again . t0o stressed ii guess . thanks w0od fer cheerin me up and teachin me ... =]
03.05.06- lit paper sux ~ why all my papers sux ....?? if my mye results sux as well . there g0es my h0lidays . oh my . and my m0m ... there g0es my fred perry bag as well ... s0bx. t0tally l0st when d0ing my amaths . why are a maths qns s0 difficult to s0lve ...
ii m n0rt academically-inclined i guess .
after papers , went h0me . juz hated my m0odswings... s0rry t0 let euu w0rry . ii juz dun wanna to tok . c0z ii n0e i will l0se my temper . s0rry .
life is always fulL of surprises . the myth ...?? l0ls . w0nder wh0 will be as idiotic as me facin outside with the d0or open n my eyes cl0sed. =x juz wen ii open my eyes .... oh my g0d... thanks ... u reallii brightened up my dae ... =]
studied my physics til 2 am again ... panda eyes gettin bad ... o0ops .
04.05.06- h0pe ii pass my chinese with flying colours s0 tt i dun hab t0 g0 fer mt less0ns anim0re after intentsive... *fingers cross* dun wanna see ru hua anim0re . physics paper was bad ... i wasn't int0 physics at all . and ii n0e wat my results will come out to be like. i will be glad if i get 10/100 ... pls... l0ls . i wan to fail beautifully ~ yea.mun's phrase . den after taking listening compre , i was s0 high . l0ls . next 4 daes . free from exams . bud of c0s still hab to study . n0 time t0 waste . ar...

``[[ if there iis n0 forever in this w0rld ... let the time stop here . where my happiness is . ]]

Y Monday, May 01, 2006Y

2:09 PM

01.05.06- lab0ur dae ... sad.. tmr is the start of mye lE... omg... tt's fast . o's is coming t0o . lays having terrible stomachache n0w. take care yaa ... alL the best fer everyone ... n0w mugging on my maths . yet gt the urge of bl0ggin ... l0ls ... peskii ...

after fridae... listening to so0o much . i realised that i am worryin t0o much. i trust him. he is the onlii one tt can bring me happiness. c0s ii m happy . i dun wanna care wat ppl say . ii may n0t be the best fer him bud ii will try to be . watever .

things gonna go out right . i aint gonna do foolish things again.

i'm not affected .

i'm happy .